So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
