Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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