I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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