I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
