Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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