you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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