I heard we made out
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
