We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
oh god the rape fog is back!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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