it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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