I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
