i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She needs sedatives and a leash
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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