Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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