woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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