His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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