I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
