Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
