i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
