In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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