we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
