The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I am never drinking with the goths again.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
