I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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