I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
