I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
