I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
