a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
