I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
