You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
