if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
