I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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