god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
