he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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