how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
