I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
