One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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