please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
