great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
