i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i love accidental penises.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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