Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
