I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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