My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize