Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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