90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
