I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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