I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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