btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Only a mothe r could love this liver
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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