so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
