I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
