So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
