can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
