I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
