I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
