No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize