Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
