You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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