If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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