I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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