I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
and she was petting her beer can
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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