so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Sext me about skeletons
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
