and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize