have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
