He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
