I think I can smell my own vagina right now
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
