I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
