Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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