You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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