You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
