I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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