the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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