I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
