im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Pants are for mortals
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