Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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