I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
