whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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