i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
