I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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