R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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