I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
