She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
