You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
