The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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