I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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