Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
