I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
