The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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