did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
