She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
