I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
