and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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