No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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