i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize