I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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