Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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