I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
