after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize