I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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