I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
