Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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