just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
