So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
