It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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