I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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