sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
