Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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