How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
