if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
