Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
