I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
