maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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