She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
