MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
